Life is Like a dick, and it will fuck you.

Yes it will.

Just like the McNeil Government.

It will bend you over like the whore you are and fuck you right in the ass and not even ask first.  It won't say please, or may I, or care what gender you are or even how you liked to be fucked.

Life will watch as you spend weeks planting those little seeds and how you care for them daily, and when you have that one split second feeling of "accomplishment,"  there is life, knocking those fuckers over and not giving a shit.

Life will be all like, "here is the sun!!  Enjoy your beautiful day!!"  and you do!  You go get your sneakers on and put on a light sweater and head out into the world and grab it by the balls!  Fuck yes!  It is a beautiful day!  Five minutes later, Life decides that you've had enough fun and happiness today.  You're done, Life knows you live in Nova Scotia and while you are out in the the sunshine, it starts to get dark and fuck, it starts snowing.  In April.  Probably in May too because life is being extra bitchy this year.  So you have hurry home because you freezing your ass off and no weather channel told you any of this was going to go down.

Life sees that you are prepping for exams, and working your ass off so your education is more than "D's get degrees." You've been proactive, on your shit this semester, then the day of this huge exam, you get the flu, or a cold, or a migraine, or your right hand goes numb which is a bitch because that just so happens to be the hand you write with.  Last year my mom died, wtf life.  Really, wtf.  Could you have better timed this shit?  I mean I realize there is no good time for a death of a loved one, but fuck there are some times that are better than other ffs!

How about the time you are at the grocery store, and you have all your shit rung in and you say "debit please." You swipe your card, knowing that you have $68.43 in your account and the order came to $65.72.  Score, you managed to save $2.71, enough to buy your ass a coffee for work tomorrow.  The lady looks at you awkwardly and says, "I'm sorry, but you have insufficient funds" and you are like no I don't, I jUst checked last night!!  But you do, you know why?  Because Life fucked you again, and this time it was in front of everyone at the fucking grocery store.  You go to check your bank balance and your phone dies, because fuck you, Life is making you leave all your shit at the counter and making you do the walk of shame out back to your car.  Turns out the bank took out some miscellaneous service charge for $5.82, and you couldn't check until you got home.  Life totally got the last laugh there, straight up.

You can be anywhere, doing anything and Life is the one grabbing you by the balls, sometimes its a sneak attack, sometimes you see it coming and say "oh, fuck" and brace yourself.

It happens to all of us, and no on goes unscathed.  So keep your head up, everyone is getting fucked today to some degree, you just gotta wait your turn.

Next post; Life is going to fuck you, so you may as well learn to switch positions and enjoy it.

Night all,
Cross your fingers my little seedlings make it!
Terri xo

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